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News from 200712/28/07 The last week end of 2007 is upon us and we’re having an END-OF-YEAR BLOW OUT a veritable HORN-a-COPIA SALE!!! It’s our Baby It’s Coda Outside – Tag, Your IT!, If you got to get the last note in…make it a c-note! Jay’s Bistro is featuring double bar tenders as the “double bar” of 2007 is closing in for good measure…SALE!!! Fine’ (feenay) is our Forte as this holiday rallentandos to the Grand Finale of final festivities!!! Drum rolls will be served in place of dinner rolls! Champagne flutes will be replaced with rooty-toot-toot flutes! And the bouillabaisse will be switched out for string bass as we trumpet out the old year and get wind of the new one!!! We will feature two for one quarter notes in cut thyme! • Friday 12/28 Jay’s Bistro is bugling in batches of Bach and Bassie with Dave Lunn/sax, Mike Pahina/bass, Mark(s) Raynes and Sloniker drums and piano. They will provide fanfare and fun for all. As Always, Thanks for Listening! Mark 12/19/07 Maybe it’s not “global warming” after all but something more loving and caring and, well, maternal. What if our dear mother (earth) who has raised us from pups (or amoebae or protoplasm or ribs..[your choice]) who has seen to our survival, nurturing and suckling us to our current level of human kindness; who has given us [literally] everything-under-the-sun that we’ve asked for; who has bathed us and clothed us and fed us and stayed up with us when we were sick (while in return we’ve [literally] walked all over her, gone to the bathroom on her [welcome to motherhood]…M-A-Y-B-E……she’s so excited that we’ve grown up so much and come SO far…that she’s ready to let go a little and see us off to college (Mars State perhaps)…she’ll even provide transportation on the sweet plume of a volcanic mushroom shaped cloud…or, heck, we can probably even drive ourselves there! After all, now that we’ve got the keys to the car (the “atom-mobile” is the new Pinto) and it’s a pretty straight shot…take a left at the Kieper Belt. You know, she’s seen us through a lot, and what have we done in return but wreck the couch, break the dishwasher, rip the carpet and put a hole in the entryway hall wall. Maybe these record highs and sudden chills indicate a change-of-life for her and darn-it all, DOESN’T SHE REALLY DESERVE A LITTLE DOWN TIME, a little break (say 50,00 years or so) a little peace and quiet from the incessant needs of her once cuddly and manageable offspring? Some say extinction is natural, and maybe the wooly mammoth and the saber tooth tiger aren’t really extinct…they’ve just gone ahead of us to get our dorm rooms ready (Is there beer on Mars? And intercollegiate sports???). I’ve heard Mars lacks atmosphere but then again, don’t ALL college dorm rooms (at least at first)? Usually this time of year is a good time to wish “Peace on Earth to All” but perhaps this year perhaps that wish should be more like “Earth to Peace on ALL” - perhaps it’s her turn! See you all at M.U. Raw Raw Ree, Kick Mars in the Knee. Why not catch a few tunes before we depart (here’s where)… • Wednesday 12/19 Jay’s Bistro play host to Andrew Vogt’s festive jazz b-day party…come wish and SING Andrew a happy b-day and enjoy some tunes of the season with the likes of Forest Greenough/bass, Mark Raynes/drums and Mark Sloniker/piano…those with “axes” bring one to sit in, on or around (7:30-10:30). Happy/Merry/Feliz! Mark 12/12/07 • Wednesday 12/12 Jay’s Bistro shines with the star power of guitarist Bard Hoff, bassist Dr. Forest Greenough, Mark Raynes/drums and Black Hole refugee Mark Sloniker/piano (playing the black keys only, in a purely accidental fashion) (7:3010:30) Carol Ann’s “Simple Baby Boy”…Christmas Musical Presentation (benefiting Realities for Children) Sunday 12/16 (7pm) for tickets go to Lincoln Center Box Office (concert is at the University Center for Performing Arts). And to all a good night! Mark 12/4/07 It’s a brand new day/week/month here (well almost) and probably where you are too, with “the holidays” almost upon us. In the case of Hanukkah I do believe it starts at sundown today and Bodhi Day (Buddhist) is on the 8th. Human Rights Day (a lovely holiday for all you humans out there) is on the 10th and The Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe (Catholic) follows soon after on the 12th. There’s a little break in the holiday happenings until the 19th and 20th when the Islamic holidays Waqfatul-Arafat and Eidul-Adha occur; then December 22nd brings us Yule/Winter Solstice (Pagan). Christmas (Christian) arrives right after that on (you guessed it) the 25th, followed by Boxing Day (U.K. and Canada) and Kwanzaa (African American) on the 26th. New Year’s Eve, while not a holiday, occurs miraculously every year (so far in my life anyway, on the EVE of a holiday…go figure) and then we’re into January, which will bring us a whole new day/week/month AND year… January appears to be a severe under-achiever month as far as holidays go, or maybe it is blessing us with a much needed break from all those festivities of the prior month. In regard to the contemporary dilemma of what to say to someone this time of year, my guess is that one could wish them a “Happy -----“ then insert whatever Holy Day it is that they celebrate this time of year. Or if you don’t know what holiday it is they celebrate this time of year one could say “Happy Hanukkah, Bodhi Day, Human Rights Day, The Feast of Our Lady Guadalupe, Wagfatul-Arafat, Eidul-Adha, Yule, Christmas, Boxing Day, Kwanzaa (and throw in New Year’s Eve if you still haven’t gotten that nod-smile-look-of-confirmation that indicates you have included the holiday they celebrate). OOOORRRRR we might just say “Happy Holiday(s)”! I think I will opt for the latter (unless you furnish me with prior written notification, the particular one or ones that you would like me to use as we greet or part). I am fine with “Happy Holidays” AND it saves a lot of time, after all it’s a whole new day/week/month and “the holidays” are upon us. Remember to always take time out for water, laughs, smiles, hugs, joy, good will toward all, chocolate (in moderation of course) and JAZZ. Here’s where to find all of the above! • Wednesday 12/5 Jay’s Bistro 7:30-10:30 Kevin Whalen is our special guest with Marty Kenny on bass and Mark(s) Raynes and Sloniker on whatever age appropriate gadgets they can muster up! Mary Buirgy is with us on Saturday the 15th and Colleen Crosson is with us on Saturday 12/22. Carol Ann (aka Carol Frazier) has a wonderful Christmas Musical Presentation on Sunday December 16th entitled “Simple Baby Boy”. I will open the concert (at the University Center for the Performing Arts, Griffin Hall) with a solo set and join Carol in her set along with the likes of Dave Beegle (who is absolutely amazing on guitar!) and Larry Thompson (equally amazing on drums/percussion and he also played on my “Perfectly Human” and Do What You Love” CDs) and a fabulous cast too numerous to list here. Tickets available at the Lincoln Center or go to www.simplebabyboy.com for more information. By the way this concert benefits Realities for Children. Happy Holidays and Happy Trails to all! Mark 11/28/07 Sorry to say I’ve been a bit hit and miss with these e-fomercials regarding upcoming performances lately. And quite a few of you noticed that the usual wise cracks were absent from the last couple of communiqués. Last month, my mom’s health took a turn for the worse and I went back to be with her (and my brother) in the hospice where she spent the last ten days of her life. She passed away in a loving, peaceful place on November 3rd in a very peaceful way and while there is much sorrow in her passing, it is eclipsed exponentially by the joy and sweetness and wit and heartfulness and creative zest that her life embodied, as well as by the gratitude and good fortune I felt for getting to have her as a mom and for our friendship over the years. She was my first piano teacher (and hero), my first reading buddy, and fellow appreciator of all things chocolate! She instilled in me a love of the world and science (and the universe) and learning and exploring, and that general sense of wonder that keeps us curious and excited about being alive. She got me through more of those projects “you have to do” in school than I care to admit (when word of this gets out, my 6th grade diploma may be revoked…as well as my poetic license), although “they” will never stop me from writing the very best and longest run-on, and on and on sentences in the entire history of syntax (and I hear syntaxes may be going up very soon). My father died (as many of you know) when I was quite young, and my mother never remarried (she said to me that no one had ever made her feel the way he did…if someone had, she would have considered it). So she was a widow for many years, and at the time immediately after her passing, several spiritually intuitive people that I know all reported that the heavens suddenly warmed up a few degrees – so we find comfort that her departure from here marked a happy and long-anticipated reunion! Dr. Suess, who I consider to be an amazing mystic of sorts once said,”Don’t be sad it’s over – Be glad it happened!” I can only say that I am grateful beyond description that IT HAPPENED and I remain forever changed for the better by her presence in my life. In her obituary, we have asked if anybody feels like “doing something” in her memory that “that something” go to Hospice of Cincinnati where she was so fabulously well served and honored just prior to her departure. Hospice is an important presence in our society. Any gift to any hospice is a gift to humankind – I was in one of the first hospice volunteer training classes in our community (back in the eighties) and was rewarded phenomenally by the joy of volunteering there. Now some would say, when someone’s life touches us in the way hers did mine – there is a responsibility (if you will) – that I take that ability and respond by living ever more fully for having been filled with the joy of living by that person. So with You as my witness (go on - raise your right hand…your right hand)…no wait, it’s me that needs to raise his right hand (your right hand Mark)…”I solemnly and joyfully and sincerely and mischievously promise to put even more joy and sweetness and creative ju ju and fun and frivolity and love in whatever I do – whether it’s playing the piano or playing with my kids or playing with the English (you mean destroying it, as we knew it before you got a hold of it) Language from here on out (or in or around or through) as a direct result of that fabulous lady’s presence in my life! Ta Da! Thanks Mom! Thanks for everything! Now more, even cooler music is about to be made by yours truly and others at spots listed below. Please come if you can! And by the way, thanks to all of YOU e-pals and friends alike who enrich my existence through your sweet presence! I am most grateful! • Wednesday 11/28 Jay’s Bistro (7:30-10:30) Dr. Forest Greenough/bass, Mike Davis (no relation to Miles ‘cept that he plays with love and inspiration) on guitar and Mark(s) Raynes and Sloniker on various forms of percussion instruments or not. Whew!! Quite a lot going on this holiday season! Enjoy yourselves, whatever you do, and (as always), thanks for listening! Mark 11/06/07 We are truly fortunate to have such a wonderful array of talented musicians in our midst this week making jazz @ jays. As always, thanks for listening, 10/17/07 Who’d a’ guessed that those Rockies would sweep those Diamondbacks? (they seemed a little rattled…..). In honor of the occasion, we’ll be playing many different jazzed up versions of “Take Me Out To The Ballgame” this week, and reading everything off of grand stanzas from our Bach’s seats where we will be praying for warm dry evenings! • Wednesday (Tonight!) 10/17 Jay’s Bistro (7:30-10:30) Mark Raynes/drums, Roger Barnhart/bass and Mark Sloniker/piano play home team to visitor (and special Wednesday night guest) Kevin Karrick/guitar. Coming Up at the Bistro: As always, thanks for listening! Mark 10/02/07 Greetings! I may have sent this one a while back… but there have been some new arrivals at the bottom (see 19-21). What’s a group of ____ called?? How many can you get? 1-jellyfish 1-smack Okay, that gets us up to date on “groups of_____.” Now for some tunes! • Wednesday 10/3 Jay’s Bistro (7:30-10:30) A bodacious bevy of bistro boppers will gather…Mark Raynes/drums, NEW ARRIVAL – Marty Kenney on bass, special guest Mike Davis on guitar and Mark Sloniker tickles a “clown car of keys”! A gaggle of gigs gather on the gang plank…Friday 10/12 features Kevin Whalen/trumpet. Saturday 10/13 features Wendy Fopeano/voice. Friday 10/19 features Peter Sommer/sax. Saturday 10/20 features Colleen Crosson/voice. Saturday 10/27 features Mary Buirgy/voice. A thermidor of thanks for listening! Mark 09/18/07 Because of the improvisational nature of what we do musically, the following performances are the last chance (and, oh yeah, the only chance) to hear this cool music: The very fun loving and talented trumpeter, Kevin Whalen will be with us this Wednesday at Jay’s to play a special set of tunes by trumpeters, featuring selections by Clifford Jordan, Freddie Hubbard, Lee Morgan and Miles Davis. Kevin will bring some of his favorites for this “once in a lifetime” gig and hopefully regale us with some anecdotes regarding these tunes and their creators. That’s Wednesday 9/19 at Jay’s Bistro – The Monster Trux Trio starts at 7:30 with selections from famous Trios of the 60s, 70s and 80s, and Mister Whalen joins in from 8:30 until 10:30. This unique performance will never happen again. • Thursday 9/20 At 6:30 I will do an hour of solo renditions of my own tunes plus a few favorites (that I wished I had written), and then at 7:30 vocalist Colleen Crosson will join me (it’s actually quite easy to join me – membership is free) with an intimate set of duo favorites ranging from classic jazz standards to heavy metal rock ballads to folkish beauties by Joni Mitchell, Sarah McLachlan and Tom Waits. Okay I made up the part about the heavy metal rock ballads, but even the folkish tunes will be performed in a jazzish never-to-be-repeated-ever-again format – so don’t miss this once in a lifetime (perhaps even several lifetimes) performance at Jay’s Bistro. Also appearing (a little less alliterately, or should that be illiterately) - bass man Marty Kenny, drummer Mark Raynes and yours truly at the piano. Last chance – only chance – Jay’s Bistro (8:30-11:30)! • Saturday 9/22 Jay’s serves up never-to-be-repeated-performances by vocalist Colleen Crosson, bassist Gene Libbea and existentialist Mark Sloniker. A transcendent performance is guaranteed (8:30-11:30) - last chance only chance. So please take advantage of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity at Jay’s, your exclusive “last chance – only chance” venue! Mark 09/06/07 Some jumpin’ jivin’ bebopportunities abound in September and one in particular happens on Sunday September 16th (I think 7pm) when the Monster Trr>Trio (Mark Raynes/drums, Erik Applegate/bass & Mark Sloniker/piano) join actor and wordsmith extraordinaire Jim Heaton for a fine set of spoken word jazz with piano bass drums & vocal chords jammin’ on the writings of Langston Hughes, Jack Kerouac (this year marks the 50 year anniversary of the publication of his book “On The Road”), Jim Heaton and Mark Sloniker. This music is brought to you by the Front Range Chamber Players. We will be performing this set as the second half of this, their season debut concert and should be a wonderful and adventuresome night of music. If you are interested drop me an e-line and I will get you more info or go to Spsalunit@aol.com and inquire there. The neat and wacky stuff at the bottom of this e-mail was sent to me by Mary B. and gets all of us who had a hard time with English in school, off the hook! Check it out. Meanwhile more bebopportunities are boppin’ boisterously below. • Thursday 9/6 Jay’s Bistro (7-10:30) Ron Cottingham/guitar and Mark Sloniker/piano rome the jazz repertoire for run on sentences and any thing else that resembles a period piece lacking therein a period, comma, question mark and seem to go on and on and on and….(well you get my draft…drift)… ”Catch” you latter! Mark Upcoming bebopportunities: Andrew Vogt guest sax Wednesday 9/12. Dave Lunn sax Friday 9/14. Grant Gordy/guitar Friday 9/21. Colleen Crosson/voice Saturday 9/22. Billy Hundley/voice Saturday 9/29. I do remember teaching my students that the English language had no rhyme nor reason since it derived its roots in so many languages. English as it is spoken in America is one example of how much a "Melting Pot" we, as a nation, really is! You Think English is Easy??? Can you read these right the first time? Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick" There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP." It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special. And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP ! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP. When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP. One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now my time is UP, so........... it is time to shut UP .....! Oh . . . one more thing: What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night? U - P 08/21/07 FRIENDLY WARNING! The following e-mail may contain offensive material. I apologize to anyone who shrinks from this and certainly hope there are no hard feelings…. I don’t know about you, but these “male enhancement” etc…e-ads are bombarding us in numbers that are larger and larger and taking longer and longer to DELETE! I’ve never been big on this kind of advertising and frankly our spam filters are NOT doing the trick. We’ve had to resort to these new sperm filters to block out what may best be described as a growing concern! Frankly it’s inconceivable why internet laws don’t go harder on these crass offenders! Oh well, maybe we can put a spin on this and use it for our own personal gain (speaking strictly, for the private sector)… • Wednesday 8/22 Jay’s Bistro (482-1876) Monster Trux Trio (Raynes/Barnhart/Sloniker) with Bard Hoff (guest guitar) playing from 7:30-10:30. All our sets will be 30% longer and the material we’ve selected for the evening is 40% harder than anything we’ve ever done. Upcoming events include: Friday 8/31 the band adds-on John Olson to the roster! Saturday 9/1 features vocalist Wendy Fopeano! Re-member - side effects of staying away from “Jazz Enhancement” may include itchy ears, rotting piano stool, shrinkage of vital organs (especially Hammond B-3s)! Thanks for Listening and don’t stay away too long! Mark 08/16/07 A quick addendum to this “note” (sent out yesterday)…at Peace in The Park I am playing with vocalist Mary Buirgy, bassist Erik Applegate and trombonist John Leisenring. Thanks 08/15/07 That’s right friends…it’s our Bach to school Sales Event for all jazz in stock! Whole notes at half note prices, half notes at quarter note prices…quarter notes at eighth note prices….eighth notes…We’re GIVIN’ ‘EM AWAY!!! Savings you can’t Handel…we’re going for Baroque and Hayden extra values in every deal to heal what’s sonata with YOU! Compose yourselves for good measure and Bar none you can count on us and rest assured that this is not just idle Bartok…no no you’ve struck a chord with us and we will promise you harmony and the suite sensation of ending on a good note! In the mean time…here’s where to get the major savings… • Thursday 8/16 Jay’s Bistro features Ron Cottingham/guitar and Mark Sloniker/piano featuring a certain amount of notoriety in their playing (7-10:30) These guys play like twin son (duets) of different key centers (that’s GOOD) honest! Good luck! Mark 08/07/07 Okay, here are some of THEE BEST Signs I’ve ever seen. I did not make these up Thanks Bob, for sending them to me! Best Signs: Sign over a Gynecologist's Office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix." In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels." On a Septic Tank Truck: Yesterday's Meals on Wheels At a Proctologist's door: "To expedite your visit please back in." On a Plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed." On another Plumber's truck: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.." On a Church's Billboard: "7 days without God makes one weak." At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout." At a Towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows." On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts." In a Nonsmoking Area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action." On a Maternity Room door: "Push. Push. Push." At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place." On a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff." On a Fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!" At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment." Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming." In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!" At the Electric Company "We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be." In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up." In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait." At a Propane Filling Station: "Thank heaven for little grills." And don't forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak. Sign at Jay’s Bistro Jazz Lounge: We play everything in C! Any other notes are purely accidental! Here’s what’s up at the Bistro: Jay’s is cool and so is the jazz so come on down! 07/25/07 OKAY, My friend (we’ll call him) Bob (not his real name) (unless of course he wants us to use his real name…in which case it most assuredly IS BOB…Bob Johnson…unless he wanted us to use his first name but NOT his last…in which case it most assuredly IS Bob Something-else…which reminds me of the Doctor who says to his patient Bob… “Bob (not his real name) (unless of course he wants us to use his real name…in which case it most assuredly IS BOB…Bob Johnson…unless he wanted his first name used but NOT his last…in which case it most assuredly IS Bob Something-else” he says, (the Doctor, that is [whose first nor last name will be used at this time) so the Doctor says “Well Bob” (not that Bob IS entirely well OR is NOT entirely well as we cannot comment on Bob’s (if that were indeed his actual name which may or may not be the case) physical health at this time. But, hypothetically speaking (as opposed to: hypodermically speaking [stop needling me]…The Doctor says to, you-know-who after examining him…”After examining you, Bob, I think it’s your gal bladder! Unless of course you insist on a second opinion in which case I’m going to say, kidneys!” Oh well some of the little gems below may be re-runs, some not: but all the notes at all the gigs listed there after will be brand spankin’ new…unless of course you would prefer previously played notes in which case…. Idle Thoughts of a piano player who’s name may or may not be Mark • Tuesday July 24th - a new gig at a new spot: Colleen Crosson (which may or may not be her real name) and I will be at the Stone House Grille tonight from 7-10pm (125 S. College). Thanks for listening! 07/17/07 Where improvisation is concerned, well, we’ve been winging it for years. But no matter how disarming “winging it” might be, we promise not to try and pull your leg about it. We’re totally sticking our necks out on this one because you’re far too hip and soulful to undermind, especially with the overhead we spend. You got to hand it to us on that matter, going out on a limb to make great jazz no matter what the wrist! This is not just some knee jerk reaction to things. That’s about the thighs of it although…who really nose. Let’s see how those Doctors are about winging it… THE NEW WING The Gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve, and the Obstetricians stated they were all laboring under a misconception. The Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted; the Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body", while the Pediatricians said, "Grow up!" The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, the Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Radiologists could see right through it! The Physicians thought it was a bitter pill to swallow; and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter." The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water. The Anesthetists thought the whole idea was a gas and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no. In the end, the Proctologists left the decision up to some Asshole in Administration. Thanks to Mr. B. for that “New Wing” segment Don’t be a stranger! Ya hear? 06/29/07 A lady was smoking a cigarette while pumping gas at the gas station when her arm caught fire. When the police arrived they shot her for waving a firearm. "If I had more time, I would write a shorter letter." --Mark Twain Thanks to K.F. for those lines above! OOPS I forgot to send the mail out!$*&#(^* Big apologies! Here's the scoop... Sorry for the late notice! 06/19/07 If you think converting inches to millimeters and feet to meters (I happen to have two left meters) much less Myles into kilometers (my son Myles will never fit evenly into kilometers)…probably mostly because I’VE never measured up…Well Jazz is almost impossible to play metrically without this handy conversion chart (see below) BUT we’ll be trying, bar none, you can count on us to beat the system, even if it takes our whole staff…complete with female vocalist…wait ‘til you meter. In the mean time head this way for some jazz and we’ll reserve you a (conversion) table for four (better make that 3.7) or we can seat you 8 to the bar. A "Punny" Conversion Table Jazz Here: Join us Friday 6/29 at the Bistro when our featured guest will be saxophonist Andrew Vogt CSU Lagoon Concert on Wednesday July 25th (at CSU Lagoon) features Mark Sloniker Quartet with Colleen Crosson!!! This is a not-to-be-mist concert (unless of course they forget to turn the sprinkler system off! Thanks to “Bob” for the Punny Conversion Table (I did not make that up although I certainly would have gone to any length to…) Mark 06/05/07 What follows are some wonderful and wacky witticisms sent to me by my pal JT (thanks JT). I thought I'd pass them on to you along with the jazz update and "haps" at Jay's Bistro etc...here goes • Wednesday 6/6 Jay's Bistro features the original Monster Trux Trio line up (Raynes/Applegate/Sloniker with guitar man Mike Davis (on guitar). The trio starts at 7:30 with Davis joining in at 8:30...this will be fun! Upcoming gigs: Now on to those lovely witty lines (thanks for listening! Mark) 05/30/07 Here’s the jazz line-up this week starting tonight… Upcoming: Dave Lunn/sax Friday 6/8. Colleen Crosson/voice Saturday 6/9. Andrew Vogt/sax, Wednesday 6/13. Billy Hundley/voice, Sat. 6/16. Grant Gordy/guitar, Friday 6/22. Mary Buirgy/voice, Saturday 6/23 Happy Trails! Mark 05/23/07 Howdy E-Pals. I am at this moment, in Cincinnati Ohio (my home town) celebrating the Cincy Reds 8-7 victory (after being down by 6 runs) over the Washington Nationals, Yay!...and visiting my family (double yay). So here’s the quick look at jazz @ jay’s this week and I promise a double dose of “b-rated [b-for bad]-humor” next week. • Wednesday 5/23 Jay’s presents bbb-bad to the bone, monster trux jazz trio (Mark Raynes, Erik Applegate, Mark Sloniker) with sax super sleuth Andrew Vogt (7:30-10:30). This night will feature some brand new tunes (or recently refurbished releases). As always, thanks for listening! Mark 05/15/07 My friend Gloria (not her real name…or maybe it is and I’m just saying it isn’t) sent me these “Dear God” letters from kids (they are either kids or really advanced jazz musicians). At any rate they are pretty sweet, so I’m sending them along to you…but first some jazz announcements that will be happnin’ around here soon…God willing. • Wednesday 5/16 Jay’s Bistro (7:30-10:30) Our new graduate (from UNC, we’re so proud of him!) Adam Trachsel makes one of his last Colorado appearances before moving to Portland Oregon (at least that what he says he’s doing) this summer, performs with Mark Raynes/drums, Mark Sloniker/piano and special guest Mike Davis/guitar. David may sit in on harp (but “don’t nobody go callin’ it” a lyre or we’re all goin’ to “you know where”)! You know “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth etc…or maybe a root canal for a Christmas party”. • Saturday 5/19 Jay’s Bistro (8:30-11:30) Kevin Karrick/on guitar, Adam Trachsel/ is he still here (on bass) and Mark Sloniker (is he still: Not-All-Here) on piano, play an evening of hits from Genesis (get it!). We’ll also do a mean version of the Byrds, “Turn Turn Turn”! Next week: Wednesday 5/23 features Andrew Vogt/sax. Thursday 5/24 = Gene Libbea/bass. Friday 5/25 features Kevin Whalen/trumpet. Saturday 5/26 features Mary Buirgy/voice. Thanks for listening! Mark 05/09/07 This little "Love Story" came my way by R.K. (I did not make it up). A LOVE STORY My question comes from an older pop song... "What's love got to do with it???".... Did I tell you that I got kicked out of music school for plagiarizing... And all I was doing was taking notes! We'll be taking and giving notes at the times and places below: • Wednesday 5/9 Jay's Bistro (7:30-10:30) Monster Trux Trio (Raynes/Applegate/Sloniker) perform with special guest Ron Cottingham/guitar We'll play "Stolen Moments" Join us, if you can! Thanks, Mark 05/02/07 Here's a synopsis of my search for gainful employment before getting hired on at Jay's Bisrto as (J.S. Bach's title was Chapel Meister) Lounge Meister. Check it out. Subject: Job Hunting My first job was working in an orange factory, but I got canned...couldn't concentrate. After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it...mainly because it was a so so job that kept me in stitches . Then I tried to be a chef....figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have thyme. I got burnt on that one! Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was too exhausting. They kept telling me to pipe down. I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining. Soon the whole company went under. I then attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it I couldn't cut the mustard. Plus they garnished my wages. I tried house painting, but I got overheated putting on one coat after another. So I gave them the brush off. Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it so they gave me the axe. Next was a job in a shoe factory, I put my heart and sole into it, but I just didn't fit in and ended up getting quite a tongue lashing. I had a chance to be an elevator operator, but then my life had too many ups and downs. It really floored me. So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job. After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it. I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience. I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income. My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quite because it was always the same old grind. Performing as a musician at Jay's is a noteworthy spot where we're making scale (the doe's pretty good) and covered for anything accidental unless we injure ourselves playing with sharp keys or have a flat on the job. We're never trebled by staff infection and we seem to be drumming up new business as we roll along. Which gives mi a re of hope so fa! So come on down...for a drink with jam and bread...??? Going through all those jobs to get to where I am now certainly strengthens my belief in a hire power (and getting fired up about these things). Thanks to Terry for most of the punfull prose above! Mark • Wednesday 5/2 Jay's 7:30-10:30 Kevin Whalen is our special guest, with Monster Trux Trio (Raynes/Applegate/Sloniker). UPCOMING GIGS: Friday 5/11 features Shilo Stroman, Andrew Vogt & Adam Trachsel. Saturday 5/12 features Colleen Crosson. Friday 5/18 features Eric Applegate. Wednesday 5/23 features Andrew Vogt. Friday 5/25 features Kevin Whalen. Saturday 5/26 features Mary Buirgy. 04/27/07 I wrote an instrumental song once. Actually I don’t know just how instrumental it was. It just didn’t have words. But the first chord was major and warm and happy and the second chord was minor and sad and cold and the third chord was like the first chord (sweet and comforting) and the fourth one was somewhere in between the first and the second: kind of a confused chord (in music there are chords called “half diminished” chords and this one was more on the “half demolished” side). As the piece progresses (if you can call it that) these chords keep bandying back and forth, happy to sad faster than you can say “Is this a happy song or a sad song?” Just as the happy chord gets you feeling good and warm, the minor chord chills you out and the listener (or should that be the “victim”) realizes that they have been listening to April in Colorado which I at the time entitled the piece “Reluctant Spring” to which a musician friend retorted that that title sounded like a temperamental deodorant soap. Maybe we should just be honest and call it April in Colorado but would anyone really want to listen to that? Perhaps we will just have to see… • Friday, April 27 Jay’s Bistro (8:30-11:30) features (if not somewhat reluctantly) John Olson/drums, Dave Lunn/sax, Roger Barnhart/bass and Mark Sloniker/piano. If you ask for it we’ll play it! It is always our joy to play for you (no reluctance there)! Even in April in Colorado. Mark 04/18/07 Okay it's time for a pun or two…the jazz listings (we've been listing for a while now) are listed below! A GOOD PUN IS ITS OWN REWORD: TaDa…jazz will follow: Thanks For Listening! -mark 04/11/07 Although you might find this hard to swallow…NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS e-mail….. • Wednesday 4/11 Jay’s Bistro 7:30-10:30 Dr. Forest Greenough/bass, Mark Raynes/drums, Mark Sloniker/piano with special guest Andrew Vogt/sax may serve as the dog of the hare that bit you…or not! Hop on by! -mark 03/28/07 In reference to last week's "No Direction Home - Retraction" email, I was reminded that: while two wrongs don't make a right...three lefts DO! And although this may be a hard road to hoe, this is no time to take a turn for the worse! Unless of course the next thing to come down the pike is some JAZZ! Wait here's some now! • Wednesday (tonight) Detour Ahead! No Jazz 3/28 I'll explain later. Take Route 66 right down to Jay's Bistro this week for the most wheel-istic jazz for miles! We would never steer you wrong Lefty Sloniker 03/09/07 I love that bumper sticker that says “Eracism”. If I ever put a sticker on my bumper (which will probably never happen!) it will be THAT one OR one of my own invention, which is kind of an answer to the one that was quite popular a while ago with the “Realists” (at least they thought they were) which said and I paraphrase…”doo-doo happens”. Mine, a kind of answer/commentary on theirs would say, “When sh—doesn’t happen, try prunes!” and I thought the Prune Association could underwrite it and we could cure constipation and other going concerns (in our life time) using the process of elimination. But before I “waste” any more of your time I wanted to take on an “-ism” which does not usually come under the Eracism banner (like racism or chauvinism). NO I’m talking about “Directionism!” That’s right, or is it left?…How come the word for left in Latin is “sinister” and in French is “goesh” and the word for “correct” in English is “right”? How come it’s called a left handed compliment? How come North is True (North) or even Magnetic north and it’s “up” but when things break or go wrong they go “south” and south is “down” and on the bottom. How come north (the top of the world) is male run. Santa’s got his wok shop there but the South Pole is named after a female (Aunt Arctica). Why is it “over the top” yet it’s “under the weather”? Why righty tighty and lefty loosey? Underhanded yet overjoyed? Well I have no idea! But we will be Left to our own devices, Right in front of everyone when we take it from the top and risk bottoming out at these very locations very soon! When we jazz it up/down, we may even try to set some things straight (crooked). • Thursday 3/8, Jay’s Bistro 7-10:30 Gene Libbea plays incredibly down-lifting bass and Mark Sloniker plays outside nicely (then, if he’s good, we’ll let him inside). My mother, (a very wise woman) once sent me some stationary on which I could and did write to her from my various adventures. It had a little guy swimming with swim fins and a mask on next to a dolphin-like being and the caption read “I have a porpoise, it’s direction I lack!” Don’t get right in-out (of) the warm/cold! Come/go join (part) us/them for/five some/all jazz!?$&*@($^ …what? -mark 02/26/07 Are you getting enough Jazz?! The right amount of jazz is essential in a sound diet! The Sturgeon General (sounds fishy to me) has just established the new minimum daily re-choirment for music (there was a hearing where nothing fell on deaf ears) and the information “story problem” below may help you to correct any jazz deficiency in your diet. If you’re tired, run-down (got the blues) or have minor laments and don’t know what’s sonata with you, this new report from the Sturgeon General just may tip the scales toward a more vibe-rant you! The classical requirement is easy: Get two major movements per day and you’ll stay fit as a fiddle with no repercussions. A small amount of country and western won’t hurt if you stay away from songs with sax and violins (say it fast) that involve extensive loss of pickup trucks or bass boats. But jazz can be tricky because the Sturgeon General requires either one daily helping of Green Dolphin Street (in sea major of chorus) or six choruses of “Good Bait” (Tad Dameron) - no worming out of that one - with extensive trading of lines over multiple gigs (especially if you’ve had a frog in your throat within the past two weeks). Hearing (wood) winds jamming may get you off the hook, if you get my drift. And a cool schooner of beer won’t hurt if you’re careful not to lose your head. But if you don’t tackle Bach’s fugues, you may just be crossing lines and turn to port to drown your sorrows in. Any port in the storm will do, especially if it’s in Baithoven’s Sixth. If you don’t get that one, my pastor Al can help you find harmony there and thwart any chance of plaguel cadence (and that’s finale). Remember, with enough Charlie Parker you’ll be immune to Bird flu, and with enough Miles between us you will never again be naturally feeling Kind of Blue. Remedy any jazz deficiency at a local dispensary near you (the jam is always fresh) and we supply the tuning forks! • Wednesday 2/28 (7:30-10:30) Jay’s Bistro fills your jazz prescription with the Monkster Trux Trio (Mark Raynes/drums, Jazz Dr. Forest Greenough/bass, Mark Sloniker/piano) and special guest Andrew Vogt/sax. This is your key to perfect jazz health! Jay’s Bistro (and Jazz Pharmacy) Upcoming jazz cruises: Mary Buirgy, Saturday 3/17. Colleen Crosson, Saturday 3/24! Thanks for listening (even though I’m a little dingy) -mark |
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